Madame Galina's Doings Diary

The Queen's Spiel

At Christmas I used to watch out of the window for Santa Claus. Just now I was watching for rats having chucked the cheese I got in a gift pack out on the front garden as bait. In the past couple of weeks there have been droppings on the crazy paving and gnaw-marks on the kiddie tricycle left outside by the Bulgarian brat from the basement flat. Hang on: just going for another look...

Oh my sainted aunt - I'll have to make a New Year's call to Rentokil. There are piebald ones. They don't have those in Nutcracker. But then, talking specifically of the present Royal Ballet run, Laura McCulloch's Rose Fairy is horror enough.

Also at Christmas we think of doing good. Well, you might; I’m too busy with the Cava, jumbo single Quality Streets and having arguments with myself while watching black and white films. ‘No, that isn’t Deanna Durbin: she’s not dressed as a nun or swinging round pillars singing Mozart’s Alleluia: and you can see her hands at all times because she isn’t wearing a muff. What? No, of course it isn’t Margaret Lockwood – are you trying to goad them into coming and taking away your gay card, or what?’

Anyway, talking of doing good, I heard yesterday from Marine Hobbit, one of the greatest of Afghanistan Solors. Oh, which reminds me: Nicky Ness, boss of Combined Services Entertainment, is coming with me to watch La Bayadère in February to see the Scarf Pas de Deux in context. I feel I ought to warn her that Nikya doesn’t throw herself into the arms of her Solor and make him carry her off to her dressing room as I do with Royal Marines Commandos...

As Told To Mrs. Beverley Snodgrass...

For heaven's sake (I was just thinking watching Skate China) just because you represent Israel at Ice Dance there’s no need to dress like that. Less of the goldeque bangles, tan nylon flares and goatskin waistcoats, please. Which reminds me...

Recently I’ve been playing nicely with others on Variety bills in London, and on Halloween the brilliant London Magician said something similar about a Capetonian sleight-of-hand-jobbing peer. ‘Just because you entertain old people and kids doesn’t mean you have to give it all the crimplene trousers and long Warlock hair nonsense…’

Sometimes genius shows in the shoulders rather than the nostrils. Learn more at www.myspace.com/londonmagician